It was deep in the winter of 1995. Mom was at the end of a long illness. She was dying. We called for the parish priest. He came and administered last rites. When the priest left, I was sitting with Mom, and she said, “I must be pretty bad if the priest came. I must be dying.” I couldn’t answer. I just nodded my head. Mom folded her hands in her lap and then looked at me. She blinked back tears and said, “I don’t want to leave my family.” I don’t know where the words came from, but I said, “Mom, in heaven, there is no time or space. We will all be waiting there for you.” She looked out the living room window for a moment, then said, “I guess it will be alright then”.

Mom slipped into a coma a few days later. She lay in the bed Mom and Dad had shared for over five decades. Dad hardly left her side. She died the next day before noon. After the funeral, Dad and some of us were sitting at the kitchen table. I really can’t remember who else was there because I had withdrawn even deeper than usual. Dad began to speak –

“I want to tell you about what happened the night before Florence died. I always held your mother’s hand at night, even when she was in the coma. It was after midnight when I felt her hand move. The bedside lamp was still on, and I sat up and watched her. Her grip tightened, and then she opened her eyes and smiled up at me. At that moment I felt all the happiness and all the joy of the life we had lived together.”

Dad smiled through his tears and looked at each of us as if wondering whether or not we could comprehend what he had just described.

Understanding came to me slowly. It has been two decades since that day. Now, because of my father’s gift to me, I don’t reach for the brass ring of a good relationship. I seek the Holy Grail of a love and devotion that not only goes beyond the grave but is greater than anything I can ever hope to understand.

©Tom Puetz 1995

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